Chocolate, Roses, and Other Insignificant Drivel
by Cumberbatch Critter
Summary: Valentine's Day, shopping, and a queue filled with people who will, unsurprisingly, talk.


**Chocolate, Roses, and Other Insignificant Drivel**

"Ugh."

John struggled to contain his laughter, picking up a magazine to interest himself. "If you weren't such an unsentimental sod, it might not bother you."

"It's a disgusting twist on an otherwise perfectly normal day."

"It's still perfectly normal."

"No, there's so much... _pink_!"

"Hmm." John flipped through the magazine, which was, admittingly, a Valentine's Day issue. "What do you have against pink, Sherlock?"

"Nothing."

John placed the magazine back onto the shelf. "Yeah, you do. You thought Jennifer Wilson's clothing was 'an alarming shade of pink', if I remember correctly. And now you're annoyed with Valentine's Day. So, what is it?"

"It's a stupid colour." Sherlock shifted his weight, shuffling from one foot to the other. "John, can't you just-"

"Nope."

"Why does everyone go shopping at once!" Sherlock complained hotly. "And why did I have to accompany you? I hate shopping."

"Well, it's not my fault that you wanted, oh, let's see, what was it... Oh, cotton balls, shampoo, and curry powder. Besides, you've been in the flat for a week and you needed to get out." John looked around a bit. "I could have told you to go by yourself."

"I wouldn't have."

"I don't doubt that."

"But I need this stuff."

"And now you have it. As soon as we get through the queue, we can go home."

Sherlock sighed heavily, uncomfortably shifting his weight again. "I think I might vomit, John."

John looked at him sharply. "What?"

"There's so much disgusting sentiment!"

"Oh." John looked away again. "Just ignore it, then."

"I can't," Sherlock muttered. "Pink is obnoxiously bright. Red demands attention. These little plushies sing and dance and everything smells like _flowers_."

"Hm... Did you want some chocolate, then?"

Sherlock looked down at him. "_What?_"

"Well, you complained about the flowers and the pink and the red and the plush animals, but you didn't say anything about chocolate."

Sherlock scowled. "I don't want _chocolate_. Buy yourself chocolate."

"If this queue doesn't move, I might. It's tempting."

Sherlock exhaled in annoyance, looking at his watch. "We're supposed to be at Scotland Yard in an hour."

"Yeah?" John looked away from the display of chocolate. "How long will this experiment take?"

"Don't know. Depends, really."

"Ah."

John yawned widely and toyed through a display of candy. Despite what he told Sherlock, he was _not_ going to buy himself chocolate on Valentine's Day. He might be single, but he was not stooping to that level.

"Did you want a dozen roses, John?"

John looked up in surprise. "What?"

"There's a variety of colours. I particularly think that the orange bring your eyes."

John felt his face flush. "Wha- _no_. No, I don't want flowers! Not from you! What the hell's wrong with you?"

Sherlock sighed. "I'm _bored_, John."

"Well, don't offer me Valentine's presents... People might talk," he muttered.

"People are already talking. Loudly. About _stupid_ things. They all need to shut up!"

"Sherlock!" John frowned. "Be quiet..."

"Oh, but it's so _annoying_-"

"Valentine's Day, the queue, or the people?" John asked dryly.

"Any of it. All of it! I need to get back to the flat..."

"Yes, well, give it a few more minutes," John said, glancing towards the front of the line.

Sherlock groaned but thankfully fell into an uncomfortable silence. John let himself be interested in the rest of the Valentine's display... even if he didn't _have_ a Valentine.

"John?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you be my Valentine?"

John nearly dropped his shopping.

"_No!_"

He didn't need to look up to know that several people's eyes were on him.

"What?" Sherlock frowned, looking at John. "What did I say?"

"You just- you-" John sighed.

"I was just reading the sign."

"Don't. Just... don't read it. Don't read anything. Just be quiet. And... I don't know, go to your mind palace."

"How can someone be a Valentine?"

"You... It doesn't matter. You don't get to be a Valentine, anyway, so it doesn't matter."

"I could be a Valentine if I wanted to," Sherlock retorted.

John rolled his eyes. He was _not_ going to argue. He looked back to the counter, willing the queue to break.

Sherlock was going to do something very stupid soon, maybe try to logic-ify Valentine's Day or try to prove a point about being a Valentine...

... and John didn't want to be around when he did.

* * *

**Happy Valentine's Day to all the Sherlockians. :3**

**I do not own _Sherlock_.**

**I love reviews and favourites like a Valentine loves chocolate. Thank you.**


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